Remember Kirk Bangstad? The owner of Minocqua Brewing Company in Wisconsin who publicly fantasized about President Trump’s assassination after the White House Correspondents’ Dinner shooting? The guy who wrote that “a brother or sister in the Resistance needs to work on their marksmanship” and promised free beer “the day it happens”? Well, the Secret Service finally came knocking — and Bangstad’s response was to publish the agent’s personal cell phone number on Facebook.

That’s right. A man already under federal investigation for making veiled threats against the President of the United States decided the smart play was to commit *another* federal crime. On social media. In public. Where the FBI can see it. Somebody get this man a lawyer who charges by the brain cell, because his current one clearly isn’t billing enough.

Here’s what happened. A Secret Service agent left Bangstad a voicemail on Thursday, presumably to have a polite conversation about why you shouldn’t publicly cheer for the murder of a sitting president. Bangstad — a man whose decision-making skills make drunk-texting your ex look like a chess grandmaster move — took that voicemail, transcribed it, and posted the agent’s personal cell phone number to his Facebook followers.

Then he told his audience to call the number and “ask this Secret Service agent to stand down and honor his oath to his country.”

Let’s pause and appreciate the galaxy-brain logic here. A guy who’s under investigation by both the FBI and the Secret Service — two agencies that tend to take their work pretty seriously — decided to weaponize a mob against the very agent investigating him. By doxxing him. On Facebook. Where everything is archived forever.

(Someone should check if Minocqua Brewing’s flagship beer is called “Poor Life Choices IPA” because that would explain a lot.)

Now, for those of us who aren’t aspiring federal inmates, there’s a fun little statute called 18 U.S. Code § 119 — the Protecting Law Enforcement from Doxxing Act. It makes it illegal to “knowingly make restricted personal information about a covered person publicly available” with the intent to threaten or intimidate. Secret Service agents? They’re covered persons. Cell phone numbers? That’s restricted personal information. Posting it on Facebook and telling people to call and harass the agent? That’s intent.

Conviction carries up to five years in federal prison.

So let’s do the math on Kirk Bangstad’s legal situation. He’s already being investigated for what amounts to encouraging political assassination. Now he’s potentially tacked on a federal doxxing charge against a law enforcement officer. All because he owns a brewery in Wisconsin and apparently thinks that makes him some kind of revolutionary.

Here’s what kills us about this guy. He’s not some teenager shitposting from his mom’s basement. He’s a business owner. He ran for state senate in 2020 — lost, naturally — and has positioned himself as some sort of anti-Trump “resistance” hero in northern Wisconsin. He sends emails to his supporters like he’s running an underground movement. “I’m speaking with them with my lawyer Fred in less than an hour,” he wrote, like he’s Jason Bourne instead of a guy who makes overpriced craft beer in a town of 4,500 people.

The Left loves to talk about “threats to democracy” and “dangerous rhetoric” every time a Republican makes a joke on social media. But here’s an actual business owner, publicly salivating over a president being shot, and then doxxing the federal agent who came to ask him about it — and we’re hearing crickets from the same crowd that wanted to jail grandmas for walking through the Capitol rotunda.

Where’s the wall-to-wall CNN coverage? Where’s the MSNBC panel of Very Concerned Former Intelligence Officials? Where’s the breathless Washington Post editorial about how “this is how democracy dies”?

Nowhere. Because Kirk Bangstad hates the right guy, so the rules don’t apply.

But here’s the beautiful part of this story — the part that should make every one of us smile. This isn’t 2021 anymore. We don’t have an FBI that looks the other way when the threats come from the Left. We have Kash Patel running the Bureau now. We have a DOJ that actually investigates crimes regardless of whether the suspect has a “Resist” bumper sticker. And Kirk Bangstad just handed them a second federal charge on a silver platter, complete with screenshots and a time stamp.

The man literally created the evidence, posted it publicly, and then bragged about it to his email list.

We’ve seen a lot of dumb criminals in our day, but Bangstad might be gunning for the Hall of Fame. Most people who are under federal investigation have the basic survival instinct to stop committing crimes while the feds are watching. This guy looked at the Secret Service showing up at his door and thought, “You know what would really help my situation? A Facebook post.”

Enjoy the beer while you can, Kirk. Federal prison commissary doesn’t carry IPAs.